*-- THE NAME GAME --*

If Coco Chanel had married Orson Bean she'd be Coco Bean.
If Dolly Parton married Salvador Dali, she'd be Dolly Dali.
If Bea Arthur married Sting, she'd be Bea Sting
If Ella Fitzgerald married Darth Vader, she'd be Ella Vader
If Heidi Klum married Don Ho, she'd be Heidi Ho.
If baseball player Boog Powell married Felipe Alou, he'd be Boog Alou.
If Aimee Semple McPherson divorced and married Paul Simon she'd be Aimee Semple Simon.
If Anita Baker married Huey Long, then divorced him and married Andy Dick, she'd be Anita Long Dick.
If Ann Rice teamed up with Wavy Gravy to write about vampires on The Hog Farm, the novel would be by Rice and Gravy.
If Betty White married Jack Black, divorced him and married Mark Blue, divorced him and married Seth Green, she'd be Betty White Black Blue Green
If British singer Dusty Springfield married Dr. Gregory House, she'd be Dusty House.
If Charlize Theron married Chriss Angel she'd be Charlize Angel.
If Dolly Parton married Salvador Dali, and then married the Dalai Lama, and then married Lorenzo Lamas and they had a Llama, it would be the Dolly Dali Dalai Lama Lamas Llama.
If Eddie Rabbitt married Bonnie Tyler, she would be Bonnie Rabbitt.
If Ellen DeGeneres married Sir Ian McKellen, she'd be Lady Ellen McKellen.
If Gladys Knight married Morris Day she'd be Gladys Knight Day. 
If Guich Koock married Stacy Keach he'd be Guich Keach.
If Iceland's most famous singer married an unsuccessful Supreme Court nominee and upon his death married the least popular Monkee she'd be Bjork Bork Tork.  Then if she marries a TV alien, and divorces him to marry Prince Andrew of the UK, that would makes her Bjork Bork Tork Mork from Ork, Duchess of York.
If Ida Lupino married Don Ho, she'd be Ida Ho
If Ima Hogg married Sean Penn she'd be Ima Hogg Penn. 
If Israeli singer Hanna Aroni married San Francisco's most famous football player, she could hyphenate her last name and be Hanna Rice-Aroni. She might even be regarded as a San Francisco treat. 
If Ivana Trump married Neil Diamond, divorced him and married Jack Nicklaus, then divorced him and married Ron Darling, would she be Ivana Diamond Nicklaus Darling?
If Ivana Trump married, in succession, Orson Bean (actor), King Oscar (of Norway), Louis B. Mayer (of MGM), and Norbert Wiener (mathematician), she would then be Ivana Bean Oscar Mayer Wiener. 
If Jack Black married Will Smith he'd be Jack Black-Smith.
If Jo Anne Worley married Admiral Byrd, she'd be Jo Anne Worley-Byrd
If Joan Rivers married Joaquin Phoenix she'd be Joan Rivers Phoenix. 
If Karen Black married Chris Rock she'd be Karen Black Rock. If she divorced and married Kenneth Starr she'd be Karen Black Rock Starr. 
If Karen Carpenter married Adam Ant she'd be Karen Carpenter-Ant.
if Kitty Carlisle married Conway Twitty, she'd be Kitty Twitty.
If Laura Dern married William Katt she'd be Laura Dern Katt. 
If Lisa Jolley married Kenny Rogers she'd be Lisa Jolley Rogers.
If Madonna married Liberace, they still wouldn't have a last name.
If Maria Conchita Alonso married Buckminster Fuller then upon discovering he was dead married Topher Grace, she'd be MARIA FULLER GRACE.
If Marie Osmond married Haley Joel Osment and then Ozzie Osborne she'd be Marie Osmond Osment Osborne. If she adopted Tony Perkins's son Osgood (as she is want to do) he'd be Osgood Osmond Osment Osborne.  Then she could marry Charles Osgood.
If Miss Piggy married Winnie the Pooh, she'd be Miss Piggy-Pooh.
If Olivia Newton-John married Wayne Newton, then divorced him to marry Elton John, she'd be Olivia Newton-John Newton John.
If Olivia Wilde married Cornel Wilde she'd be Olivia Wilde Wilde. If Olivia Wilde Wilde divorced and then married Kanye West she'd be Olivia Wilde Wilde West.
If OpalCat from these boards married my favorite Israeli actor she'd be Opal Topol.
If Oprah Winfrey married Depak Chopra, she'd be Oprah Chopra.
If Oscar Wilde married lyricist Tim Rice, he'd be Oscar Wilde Rice.
If Parker Posey married Bob Barker she'd be PARKER BARKER.
If Phoebe Snow married Floyd Flake she'd be Phoebe Snow Flake. 
If Phyllis George married Denzel Washington she'd be Phyllis George Washington. If she divorced and married Max Carver, she'd be Phyllis George Washington Carver. 
If Popeye's girlfriend married the ex-husband of the lead singer of Jefferson Starship, she's be Olive Oyl Slick.
If Princess Leia's portrayer married an often married CNN interviewer and they made their home at 704 Houser Street she'd be Carrie Fisher King of Queens.
If Queen Elizabeth married Steve McQueen, she would be Queen McQueen
If Rich Little married Pia Zadora she'd be Pia Little.
If Robin Givens married Peter Graves, she'd be Robin Graves.
If Sandra Oh married Jack Lord she'd be Sandra Oh Lord. 
If Shirley Jones married Tom Ewell, then Johnny Rotten, then Nathan Hale, she'd be Shirley Ewell Rotten Hale.
If Snoop Doggy Dogg married Winnie the Pooh, he'd be Snoop Doggy Dogg Pooh.
If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness, then divorced him to marry Herman Munster, she'd become Sondra Locke Ness Munster.
If Tea Leoni married Pol Pot, she'd be Tea Pot.
If the Bride of Frankenstein divorced her current husband and remarried magician Jeff McBride, she would be the Bride of McBride.
If the character Barbara Cook played married an Arnold Schwarzenegger character, then worked as a dominatrix at night while caring for sick animals during the day and joining a local service club, she's be Marian the Barbarian Disciplinarian Veterinarian Rotarian (ex-librarian).
If the greatest actress in the history of France married Gary Hart and divorced him for George Burns she'd go from being Sarah Bernhardt to Sarah Hart-Burns.
If the lead actress in the original Broadway production of The Music Man married the Shepard from Firefly, she'd be Barbara Cook Book.
If the oldest of the Beverly Hillbillies married the actor who played Barney Fyfe, she's be Granny Knotts.
If the star of Kill Bill married the author of The Three Musketeers, she'd be Uma Dumas.
If Tori Spelling married Sorrell Booke she'd be Tori Spelling Booke. 
If Totie fields married Truman Capote, she'd be Totie Capote.
If Tuesday Weld married the son of Frederic March, she'd be Tuesday March the Second!
If Uma Thurman married former tennis player Hernan Gumy, she'd be Uma Gumy.
If Wanda Landowska (harpsichordist) married Howard Hughes, divorced him and married Henry Kissinger, she'd be Wanda Hughes Kissinger now.
If Wanda Sykes married Robert Hughes, divorced him and married Henry Kissinger, she'd be Wanda Hughes Kissinger now.
If Yo-Yo Ma married Roy Focker, he'd be Yo-Yo Ma Focker.
If Anna Paquin married Eric Bana, divorced him, and remarried Salvatore Bonanno...but hyphenated her name...she'd be Anna Bana-Bonanno.
If Mike Hunt married Clay Aiken, he'd be Mike Hunt Aiken.